RESTAURANT REVIEWS

Veering quite a way from the straight and narrow.

Jim Dunn revewals the best places in Scotland to do a lot of driving
and take a spot of lunch. October 2003

The Transport Secretary, Alistair Darling, might not have a clue where the Assembly is but I know the place to go for the best seafood this side of Iceland, and I'm not talking about the freezer shop.

I first discovered the Crinan Hotel by boat nearly 20 years ago when, after negotiating the canal, we arrived at the sea lock just as the lock keeper was packing up for his weekend off, trapping us in the basin beside a couple of Clyde puffers and a scattering of yachts. But the seafood at Crinan turned what could have been a dreadful weekend into one of the most expensive feasts I have ever enjoyed.

I've been back many times by road and though the quality of the cooking can go up and down, there's never any question about the freshness of the fish, which are caught and landed locally very afternoon. And as comedian George Burns said of sex: when it's good it's great, and even when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Right now the hotel is at the very top of its game, with returned chef Ben Tish strutting his stuff in the kitchen while mine host, Nick Ryan, continuing his decades-old tradition of joining diners for a chat, and a glass of their wine.

Thankfully, while the wine list is long it is also fairly reasonable.

When we took Rex up the other week (RX being the prefix letters on the registration of the wife's Mini Cooper) on the excuse that he'd never been there, we hit lucky.

There's a choice of four to six dishes for each course but, being fishies, we opened for seared scallops on a cauliflower puree followed by lobster veloute. All of which set us up nicely for the hotel's speciality which, basically, is a massive plate of fresh langoustine lightly drizzled with lemon butter.

Crinan seem to take the puddings fairly seriously there as well, though I was more interested in getting outside to enjoy the view with a brandy and a cigar.

Getting to Crinan for lunch is an easy round trip for those based in the west, though east coasters may prefer to make it an overnight affair with one of the dinner, bed and breakfast offers the hotel runs during quiet periods.

Budget for about £85 to £135 per person for dinner, bed and breakfast, to indulge in some of the best food in Scotland and, from the car park above the sea lock, one of the best views on the West Coast.

From Glasgow you need simply battle traffic to Balloch then enjoy the A82 alongside Loch Lomond, over the Rest and Be Thankfull and onwards towards Lochgilphead. If making a weekend of it the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar makes the ideal lunch stop, though I find it expensive compared with Crinan.

Brunch on the way back can be enjoyed for under a fiver for two at the lochside Para Handy café, which features traditional Scottish stodge deep fried in real lard, the cheapest 5,000 calorie fill-up this side of Fast Food Alley in Florida.

Those travelling from the East have the choice of the A811 to join those other travellers going via Loch Lomond, or risking the tourist traffic via Loch Lubnaig and the A823.

If you want the best driving road from there, turn back towards Inverary at Dalmally and on to the A819, which very few people seem to know about. Rex was in his element here but the mid and low-range pulling power came in really handy on the trip alongside Loch Fyne.

As always on the best of Scottish roads, you have to keep an extra lookout for bikers who seem to have little imagination but lots of bravado - I saw one guy coming towards me lift his front wheel at about 120mph.

There's always a temptation when you turn off the A816 for Crinan to eat at the Cairnhaan Hotel and while it's OK, the food cannot really match that of the Crinan hotel just a few miles along the canal side road.